A Romantic Partner is Not Required for Love
I spent many of my post-divorce years looking for romantic love. I even wrote a humor memoir about it, The Laptop Dancer Diaries.
Since my divorce, my 89-year-old mother has been worried about me being “alone” in life. One of my recent conversations with her went something like this:
Mom: “Are you still married?”
Me: “No, Mom. Carl and I were divorced over 20 years ago.”
Mom: “You never did find anyone, did you?”
Me: “Mom, I never got remarried, but I did find lots of people who I love and who love me.” (When it comes to romantic love, often those aren’t the same people, but I thought it best not to mention dating woes at this point of the conversation.)
“I have a lot of friends who I love and help when they need it and they love and help me. I am really, really happy being single!”
Mom (with a lightbulb-moment kind of look): “You are SO independent! It must be so nice to be able to go where ever you want and do whatever you want!”
Mom, who was a nurse, has really spent most of her life, taking care of other people. She took care of her family when we were young, her patients when she worked, my Dad, through his battle with cancer, and now, her partner, Philip.
Though I know she derives a lot of purpose and pleasure from being a caregiver, in that moment of lucidity, she had a realization that she never had understood before: People can be happily single! Love does not necessitate a romantic partner!
How Do We Love Without a Romantic Partner?
Giving and receiving love is probably the biggest part of life and happiness! In fact, two years ago, I declared it as my purpose!
In the final paragraph of “Finding Purpose in Retirement”, I wrote:
I guess what it all boils down to is love. I started the year thinking my purpose was “to be as happy and healthy as possible” but I’m going to update it to this: My purpose is to love.
However, a lot of the advice and literature about love is talking about romantic love. There are all kinds of books, podcasts, and articles giving challenges for strengthening your love with your partner. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it seems like everything is all about romantic love.
A challenge-seeking, yes-questing, love-loving person like me starts to feel a little left out! I want to take part in all these love-improving challenges.
Newsletters and a Love Grant
Maybe I’ll take it as a challenge to create my own love-of-all-kinds challenges to share.
On the home-page of Carpediemday.com I list so many Websites that offer up advice and prompts and suggestions to add more love and happiness in our lives.
I subscribe to all of these and get oodles of ideas for activities I want to do and share via this site.
One of the biggest goals I’ve had is to try and expand my Website and restart my Carpe Diem Connections Podcast. In the past couple of weeks I’ve been preparing to apply for a Love Grant from Greater Goods Science Center. This grant is looking for journalists who write about love of all kinds! That’s exactly what I’m doing on this Website!
In Summary…
Whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not, retirement is a time for us to spend time on giving and receiving love in its many forms.
One of those newsletters I mentioned, “The Mindset” by SuperAge issued this challenge that I’ll leave you with:
Try this today: What if you lived like you had nothing to prove, only more love to give? Make a voice memo to yourself about what that would feel like. Come back to it when you need a reminder.
Join the conversation on the Carpe Diem Connections page or leave a comment with your thoughts on how you can give and receive love in retirement.
