Carpe Diem

Love in Retirement: Romantic Partner Optional

A Romantic Partner is Not Required for Love

I spent many of my post-divorce years looking for romantic love. I even wrote a humor memoir about it, The Laptop Dancer Diaries.

Since my divorce, my 89-year-old mother has been worried about me being “alone” in life. One of my recent conversations with her went something like this:

Mom: “Are you still married?”

Me: “No, Mom. Carl and I were divorced over 20 years ago.”

Mom: “You never did find anyone, did you?”

Me: “Mom, I never got remarried, but I did find lots of people who I love and who love me.” (When it comes to romantic love, often those aren’t the same people, but I thought it best not to mention dating woes at this point of the conversation.)

“I have a lot of friends who I love and help when they need it and they love and help me. I am really, really happy being single!”

Mom (with a lightbulb-moment kind of look): “You are SO independent! It must be so nice to be able to go where ever you want and do whatever you want!”

Mom, who was a nurse, has really spent most of her life, taking care of other people. She took care of her family when we were young, her patients when she worked, my Dad, through his battle with cancer, and now, her partner, Philip.

Though I know she derives a lot of purpose and pleasure from being a caregiver, in that moment of lucidity, she had a realization that she never had understood before: People can be happily single! Love does not necessitate a romantic partner!

How Do We Love Without a Romantic Partner?

Giving and receiving love is probably the biggest part of life and happiness! In fact, two years ago, I declared it as my purpose!

In the final paragraph of “Finding Purpose in Retirement”, I wrote:

I guess what it all boils down to is love. I started the year thinking my purpose was “to be as happy and healthy as possible” but I’m going to update it to this: My purpose is to love.

However, a lot of the advice and literature about love is talking about romantic love. There are all kinds of books, podcasts, and articles giving challenges for strengthening your love with your partner. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it seems like everything is all about romantic love.

A challenge-seeking, yes-questing, love-loving person like me starts to feel a little left out! I want to take part in all these love-improving challenges.

Newsletters and a Love Grant

Maybe I’ll take it as a challenge to create my own love-of-all-kinds challenges to share.

On the home-page of Carpediemday.com I list so many Websites that offer up advice and prompts and suggestions to add more love and happiness in our lives.

I subscribe to all of these and get oodles of ideas for activities I want to do and share via this site.

One of the biggest goals I’ve had is to try and expand my Website and restart my Carpe Diem Connections Podcast. In the past couple of weeks I’ve been preparing to apply for a Love Grant from Greater Goods Science Center. This grant is looking for journalists who write about love of all kinds! That’s exactly what I’m doing on this Website!

In Summary…

Whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not, retirement is a time for us to spend time on giving and receiving love in its many forms.

One of those newsletters I mentioned, “The Mindset” by SuperAge issued this challenge that I’ll leave you with:

Try this today: What if you lived like you had nothing to prove, only more love to give? Make a voice memo to yourself about what that would feel like. Come back to it when you need a reminder.

Join the conversation on the Carpe Diem Connections page or leave a comment with your thoughts on how you can give and receive love in retirement.

The Yes Quest: Finding New Challenges in Retirement

My first Yes for the Yes Quest was saying Yes to the Yes Quest! Yup, I got an endorphin boost just from getting my spreadsheet started. Sure, it was a ‘gimme,’ like the free X in the middle of a bingo card. But still, I was excited. Even though this wasn’t a competition (sadly, no prizes), I was all in on the challenge of filling in as many rows of Yes activities as possible.

When productivity expert Laura Vanderkam came up with the idea for the Yes Quest—a challenge to track all the times you say yes over a few weeks—I was all in. A fun challenge AND a tracker tool? Are you kidding me? Sign me up!

By the way, I also filled out the scavenger hunt sheet at the Imagine Museum last Friday. While some people are embarrassed by playing games designed for schoolchildren, I will always participate, even when not on an official Yes Quest.

Where Are the Yeses Hiding?

Here’s the thing, though. As I started tracking my Yes activities, I realized something weird: I’m not being asked for much anymore.

Back in the day, my life was full of Yes moments. My kids were little and needed help with everything. At work, there were endless emails, last-minute tasks, and meetings.

But now? I’m retired. My kids are grown and super independent. My grandkids are teenagers and have their own long lists of activities. Even Mom, who recently moved into assisted living, doesn’t need much from me. This is absolutely amazing! So why do I have this uncomfortable feeling? Am I no longer valuable or relevant?

It’s like I’ve entered the “nobody’s asking me for favors” phase of life. On the one hand, yay! I’ve got time for movies, dinners, travel, and all the fun stuff. But on the other hand…it’s kind of weird to not feel needed.

Oh! I just remembered that often when friends DO ask me for favors, I often have to say “I can’t” because I’m too busy traveling and doing all that fun stuff. Then the guilt sets in.

DIY Challenges

Since no one’s asking me for much these days, I’ve become pretty good at challenging myself. I volunteer, I take classes, I exercise, I try new things. I’m always on the lookout for ways to grow or step out of my comfort zone.

But as I worked on my Yes Quest spreadsheet, I started wondering: Am I still growing in the same way if the challenges are all self-imposed? There’s something special about the kind of Yes that comes from being asked by someone else.

The Harder Yeses

As I reflected on this, I realized the biggest challenges in retirement aren’t about doing more—they’re about doing less. Slowing down, accepting limits, and letting go of being needed. Those are the real growth moments these days.

Here are the Yeses I’m working on now:

Yes to slowing down. It’s hard when you’re used to being busy, but sometimes the best thing is a quiet night at home with a book or a Netflix movie.

Yes to asking for help. I like helping my friends, but it’s a lot harder to ask for help. I’m grateful for my Yes-saying friends who make it easy for me to ask them for help when I need it.

Yes to not being needed. This is the big one. It’s a shift to accept that my family doesn’t rely on me the way they used to. But it’s also a blessing—they’re independent, and I’ve got time to focus on myself and others who do need help.

Yes to letting go of guilt when I say ’No.’ My friends and family know that I love them even when I say No.

Yes to acceptance. Whether it’s letting go of disappointment when someone says no to me or accepting that I can’t do as much as I once could, this is the Yes I’ll probably be working on forever.

Still Growing

The Yes Quest reminded me that growth doesn’t stop when you retire—it just changes. These days, it’s less about juggling a million responsibilities and more about finding joy and purpose in this new phase of life.

So, what about you? What would you say yes to this week? (And if it’s a scavenger hunt or a fun challenge, let me in on it! Gotta get it on the Yes Quest spreadsheet!)

Embracing Seniority: Finding Joy and Treasures in 2025

Happy 2025! This year my theme is “Embracing Seniority!” Every two weeks, I hope to have a new post about the joys of aging. After all, a positive mindset about aging can add 7.5 years to your life!

I’m turning 65 next month so my entry into seniority will be official. In fact, I just got all the paperwork signed for Medicare yesterday. Yay!

Finding Treasures Throughout the House

For those of you who have been reading this blog, you know that my 89-year-old mother and her partner Philip moved to Carlton Senior Living in November.

Now, my siblings and I have the difficult task of clearing all the possessions out of her house of 52+ years in order to rent it out.

Mom was a bit of a pack-rat.. ok that’s probably an understatement. I think she’s saved every card, letter, and gift that she’s ever gotten. All the closets in this 4-bedroom home were filled from floor to ceiling. Every cupboard was stuffed, often with stuff that didn’t make sense. I think this may have been the way my Mom “cleaned.” Just stick whatever is lying out in whatever place it will fit.

Unexpected Treasures

Even though sorting through the endless stuff is tedious, it’s also kind of fun. Every day, I find some little unexpected surprise. I found a photo tote bag that I’d given Mom over 20 years ago. I bring it with me for my daily visit to Carlton filled with something I’ve found that I think Mom and Philip will enjoy.

Book Lover’s Tote Bag with Family Photos

Wedding Picture of Mom and Dad tucked in with boxes of stationery

High School Pictures of Mom and Philip (They reconnected after Dad died.)

Nurse Suzanne with her original stethoscope and nurse photo on the table

A never-been-used embroidered tablecloth found in her linen closet

Bringing Mom a few handbags from her huge collection

Remembering Dad and Chris

Clearing out the house isn’t just about Mom’s memories. It’s also a time to reflect on my Dad, who passed away in 2010, and my brother Chris, who died in 1997.

Today, I found a four-page letter I’d written to my dad for his 71st birthday. In it, I shared cherished memories and told him how proud and grateful I was to have him as my father. Reading it again brought back all those feelings of love and connection. I’m so glad he saved it—and even more grateful I found it.

Then there were Chris’s memory boxes, tucked away in the crawl space. Flipping through his yearbooks, photo albums, and scrapbooks reminded me of his laid-back, easygoing spirit.

All of these memories are so sweet! In the digital age, we carry so many photos on our phones. Old-fashioned photo albums are a thing of the past.

That may not be such a bad thing because photo albums are heavy. I’m sure my kids won’t even want my stuff, let alone the extras I’ll be bringing home… I guess I’ll add “Digitizing old photo albums” to my 2025 goal list.

Finding the Joy

One of my long-standing traditions is taking “Joy” photos—capturing moments that make me smile, even on the most stressful days. As I begin this new chapter of seniority, I believe the best way to embrace it is to find joy in every day.

At Carlton, I’m learning so much from the residents who are further along on this journey. One of my favorites is Cheryl, who’s brimming with spunk and reminds everyone to P A R T Y! (But don’t let your Mama know—Because she won’t let you go!)

P A R T Y

I’m new to this “senior” club, but inspired by the resilience, humor, and wisdom of those around me. Aging is a gift, and I plan to celebrate every moment of it.

Here’s to 2025 and embracing all the treasures—literal and metaphorical—that life has to offer!

Z-Weeks: cruZing, Zooming, and Zen

Yes, we’ve reached Z End of this AlphabeZ-inspired year! From Zero to Zenith, it’s been a Zealous, Zesty, and sometimes downright Zany ride.

CruZing

Z-weeks kicked off as I continued my CruZe through the Panama Canal.

I got to Zip-line through a rain-forest in Panama,

shake it up in a high-energy Zumba class on board,

and visit a Zoo in Columbia along the way!

No, there weren’t any Zebras (this wasn’t Zimbabwe, after all), but I did see plenty of fabulous flamingos. Naturally, I named my favorite one Zelda—she seemed to have the most flair.

The highlight of the cruZe? Spending hours on the ObZervation Deck. Watching the ship Zig-Zag through the locks of the Panama Canal was absolutely meZmeriZing. It was like the ocean itself was performing a perfectly choreographed Zipper dance!

Zooming and Staying Connected

Despite being on the high seas, I splurged on unlimited Internet—channeling my inner Gen Z’er—so I could stay connected.

I Zoomed with family and friends, kept up with WhatsApp chats, and even checked in on my Carpe Diem Connections group.

Zen in Colorado

After the cruZe, I headed back to Colorado just in time for a Zen-like Christmas with Scotty and Megan’s family. It was wonderfully relaxed, filled with cozy moments and quiet joy.

I managed to sneak in one last coffee at Ziggi’s before packing up and Zooming down the road to California for the winter.

Zoodles and Gratitude

As the countdown to the New Year ticks away—only 7 hours to go—I’ve got my Zucchini Zoodles prepped for a veggie-packed dinner.

Looking back, I’m filled with gratitude for the Zoom-worthy memories, the fun, and all the Zest this year brought. From the Zippiest moments to the most peaceful Zen Zones, it’s been an unforgettable journey.

Here’s to a Zesty, Zen, and utterly Zuper 2025!

Happy New Year! 🎉

Y-Weeks: YOLO, Yachting, and Yultide

YOLO

Yes, it’s Y-Weeks, and I’m feeling all the feels. YOLO—You Only Live Once—keeps popping into my mind lately. My emotions have been YoYo-ing between sadness and gratitude.

I’m grieving the loss of a friend who passed away at the Young age of 65. It’s a reminder that life is precious and unpredictable. On the brighter side, my mom celebrated her 89th birthday on December 9, and the love she’s been showered with has been amazing. Thanks to everyone who sent her a card—her mailbox has been flooded with sweet notes, and it’s made her so happy.

Our friend, Danny, has been a rock star, visiting her almost every day and sending me live updates on WhatsApp. It’s heartwarming to know she’s surrounded by love even while I’m far away.

Yachting Across Yonder

Meanwhile, I’m somewhere Yonder on a cruise ship, living out a long-time dream. We left LA on December 6 and are cruising all the way to Miami by the 21st. Along the way, we’ve stopped in Mexico, Guatemala, and Costa Rica—and I can’t wait to see Panama and Colombia next.

The food is ridiculously Yummy, the sun is that perfect shade of warm Yellow, and every day feels like a little gift. Whether I’m soaking up the view or just wandering the deck, it’s all about YOLO moments right now.

Yuletide Vibes

The ship is totally decked out for Christmas, and it’s got me feeling all the Yuletide vibes. As much fun as this adventure is, I can’t help but Yearn for Colorado and the cozy chaos of Christmas at home.

What’s Next?

As Y-Weeks ‘Y’nd down, I’m feeling a mix of nostalgia, gratitude, and excitement for what’s ahead. Life’s Yin and Yang keeps things interesting, and there’s always something to look forward to. Here’s to making the most of the moments and saying YES to the good stuff!

Next up: Z-Weeks—Zesty, Zany, and Zero regrets!

X-Weeks: Xtra-Special and Xceptionally Memorable

X-Weeks have been both Xtra-stressful and Xtra-special. On November 20, we Xecuted a carefully planned move to transition Mom and Philip to Carlton, a Senior Living Community. While this was Xtremely emotional for all of us, it turned out to be Xactly what they needed.

Xceptional Positivity

Mom has been an Xtraordinary X-ample of resilience and positivity during this transition. She X-udes grace, even in the face of change, and in this short video, she X-plains how memory loss has a few unexpected perks.

https://youtube.com/shorts/64cPvnz8m3w

Xpressing Love with Cards

One of Mom’s biggest concerns was not being in her cherished home of over 50 years for her birthday or the Xmas season. To make this time Xtra-special, I’ve X-tended an invitation to friends, family, and even friends of friends to send her cards filled with X’s and O’s. Here’s her new address:

Carlton Senior Living
1075 Fulton Ave. #261
Sacramento, CA 95825

Let’s Xpress our love and brighten her holiday season with a flood of thoughtful notes!

ThanXgiving Traditions

After settling Mom and Philip into their new home, I X-peditiously flew back to Colorado to celebrate ThanXgiving with my grown kids and X-tended family. My son and daughter-in-law traveled X-country from North Carolina, and my other son flew in from Virginia for the holiday weekend.

Together, we X-ecuted all our favorite traditions: the Turkey Trot, indulging in delicious dishes, playing games, and engaging in lively (but politics-free!) debates. ThanX to everyone’s Xceptional teamwork, we had a holiday full of laughter, love, and memories.

Xtreme Stories

For X-Weeks, I prompted my Facebook friends to share their most Xtreme experiences. While I shared my fondness for XP (Xtreme Programming) and X-country skiing—a favorite activity of my X-husband—one reader took the spotlight by admitting to being an Xtra in an X-rated film! Eva and Ken’s Xpressed Xtra answers.

It’s safe to say, X is one of the most Xasperating letters for alliteration. While I was Xpecting this post to be a challenge, it’s been Xhilarating to reflect on these Xceptional Xperiences. Now, I’m looking forward to what neXt week’s adventures – I’m sure you can figure out Y.

W-Weeks: Why? Writing and Walking

Wow! W-Weeks have been a Wondrous Whirlwind of Wearisome Work and Wonderful Wins. From care-giving challenges to unexpected Windfalls, this week has been a Wild mix of emotions. Here’s What’s been happening:

Why? Wrestling With Worries and Wounds

The election results left me Wrestling With a Wave of Worry and Wondering Why. The Whys of this political moment have Wrapped me in a Web of disappointment. Why do so many Americans Want to Walk the same path with a leader whose policies Will only Widen the Wealth gap? Why Would people place more trust in a rich, White man than a Well-qualified Woman of color?

This result has left me feeling Wounded, scared, and embarrassed for our country. Yet, despite the Whirlwind of Whys, I’m Working hard to keep Warmth in my heart. There are Wonderful people in my life—family and friends—Who feel differently than I do politically. Though I Wish for a Wider understanding and more unity, I’m trying to Walk the path of kindness and keep love alive in the face of What feels like a Widely fractured World.

Amid this Wider grief for our country, my personal Why is also tethered to my family. Watching my Mom prepare to leave her home of 50+ years has Wrapped us all in Waves of sadness. However, a Wonderful discovery—a Windfall—came When we found out my Mom’s partner has a long-term healthcare policy! This Was a Well-hidden gem none of us Were aware of, but it Will Wipe away many of the financial Worries for their move to an assisted living facility next Wednesday. While it’s not easy, We’re all grateful for this new Way forward.

Philip’s Weird Watercolor Workshop has been a Wonderful Way for him to Wile away some time and keep his mind active. These special paints create Vivid colors When brushed With Water. Watching him paint has brought moments of Wonder to otherwise Weighty days.

Writing: Words as a Way to Work Through Worry and Wonder

Writing has been my saving grace—my Way to Weather life’s storms. Whether in moments of Wonder or Worry, Writing lets me reflect and process. Inspired by a friend’s suggestion, I’ve reframed my caregiving days as a Joy Journey and started a daily Joy Journal.

Every day, I Write down at least one Joy-filled moment and pair it With a picture. It’s a Wonderful Way to remind myself of the beauty that’s still present, even in this time of stress and uncertainty. Writing helps me Work through emotions and discover What Works Well in my communication With Mom. For example, I’ve noticed her memory Works much better When she’s happy, but anxiety quickly Washes her away into confusion. Writing has also been a vital Way to keep my siblings informed, as We share updates in a shared document.

Walking: Wandering, Welcoming, and Warmth

Another Wonderful Well-being practice has been Walking. Each morning, While my Mom and her partner are sleeping, I Wander through Sacramento’s charming neighborhoods. Often, I’m guided by my high school friend Danny, Who Walks With me as we reminisce and reconnect.

It’s Wild to think that, even though I moved here With my family at age 12, there are so many Wonderful places I never explored. One surprising find Was the Renaissance Society at Sac State University—a Vibrant community just a short Walk from my Mom’s house.

The Fall colors are Vivid, and While the Winter air here isn’t as Warm as Florida, Sacramento has its own special Wonder. This week, we also Welcomed my Daughter and Son to my Mom’s home for an early Thanksgiving—a Warm and nostalgic reunion in the very home Where they spent so many Thanksgiving celebrations during their childhood.

From Why to Writing to Walking, W-Weeks have taught me that even in times of Worry, there are Wonderful ways to find peace and purpose. Whether through Words, Wandering, or Welcoming unexpected blessings, I’m reminded that life’s Wild journey is Worth it.

V-Weeks: Vital Visit, Victorious Voting, and Vibrant Virtual Ventures

This V-weeks post comes with the Valuable help of my Virtual assistant, VickiAI. I’m Venturing to add even more “V” alliteration, keeping this Alphabet-Inspired project Vibrant, even though my blog’s Views might take a dip now that Facebook doesn’t let me share links. But I’m Vowing to see this Venture through—only fiVe letters left to go!

Visiting Vulnerable VIPs

This week’s Vital Visit has brought me to Sacramento, where I’m spending time with my mom and her partner, Philip. They’re Vulnerable in some ways, but with Vitamins, a bit of Veracity, and Vigilance, they keep up their Vitality and Vim. Though they’re not exactly Veracious in Voicing their need for help, I Vowed to be here, feeling Very fortunate to return to the Venue of my childhood home.

Vaccinated and Victorious Voting

Before embarking on this Voyage, I managed to Verifiably secure a Victory in my civic duty by Voting in Colorado. And, with a little Vigilance, I got both my flu shot and the COVID vaccine—both Valid steps toward a Vibrant, healthy winter! Taking these actions reminds me of how Vital it is to stay Vigilant about our health and to make sure we’re doing our part for the community.

Vibrant Virtual Ventures

Thanks to the Versatility of Virtual tools, I’m able to keep up my Valuable Volunteering at the Manatee Literacy Council, where I help teach conversation classes to those learning English. It’s been a Vivid reminder of the power of Virtual connections, which I get to experience further with an upcoming Virtual Agile Testing class next week.

Verdant Vistas and Very Fortunate Feelings

Sacramento has been full of Vivid autumn Vistas, with trees turning a Verdant array of colors. I feel Very lucky to have my brother and an old high school friend nearby. There’s even a lovely View of Sac State University within a 22-minute walk, adding a Vibrant touch to this trip.

As I round out these V-weeks, I’m taking in each moment with Verve and a spirit of Vivid gratitude. This Vital Visit and the Virtual Ventures that accompany it remind me how Valuable these opportunities are—and I’m excited to keep sharing this Alphabet journey with all of U!

U-Weeks: Universe Unfolds in UnUsUal Ways

Uprooting Usual Routine

Uhhh… where do I even begin? Uprooting my life to move to Sacramento this Upcoming Monday has Undeniably Upended the Usual routine, but here I am, Unabashedly Upbeat! Yes, I’m packing Up, preparing to plant myself in a new place for a 30-day Joy Adventure with my mom, whose journey through dementia has been both Unbelievably heartbreaking and yet Undeniably filled with moments of Unadulterated love.

U might think that such an Upheaval would have me feeling Unencumbered stress. But, Until U experience it yourself, U won’t Understand how the Universe Unfolds its plan, throwing Us into situations that feel Unplanned yet Ultimately perfect. It’s as if the Universe, in its Ubiquitous wisdom, knew this was a time for Uplifting moments—time to Uncover Uncommon connections and share Unconditional love with my mom.

Upbeat Spirit Despite Challenges

And U know what? I’m Ultra excited. Despite the obvious challenges, I’m approaching this with an Upbeat spirit, ready to Unfurl some Unexpected joy with my mom during our daily Joy Hours. I’m Unifying a routine to bring stability, Uncovering new ways to spark joy and create moments that, though small, feel huge in their importance.

U could say I’m Undeniably Up for the challenge. U could even call this chapter of life a Unicorn moment—rare, beautiful, and entirely Unanticipated. The United States is full of stories about aging, caregiving, and family. This is mine. It’s Unique, but it’s also Universal in its themes of Unwavering love, Understanding, and the Ultimate truth that we all need to feel connected.

So, Universe, bring it on. I’m here, Upbeat and Uplifted, embracing this next Uncharted adventure with arms wide open, Under the watchful eyes of the stars, Uhhh, I mean… the Universe.

UnUsUal Collaboration

And by the way, this is an UnUsUal post! Why? Because my trusted helper, Unreal-UrsulAI, gave me a hand with all this Ubiquitous alliteration. Sometimes, even I need a little help from the Universe—and in this case, it came in the form of my virtual assistant!

T-Weeks: T-Party, Tidds, and Travel

Today iT’s Time to Talk about T-Weeks!

Texas Hold’em T-Party

T is a Terrific Theme for a Texas Hold’em T-Party. Our aTTire was Trendy with T-shirts, Ties, Tassels, a Tam, and Tops of Teal and Tan. I had a Two-Tone Tye-Dye with Torn Trousers and Top Hat.

The Troop Took my requesT for plen’T’ of ‘T’sing Thoughtfully. We aTe Tacos, with Tomatoes and Toppings. Tostados and Tortilla Toasts all Tasted Tremendous. To quench our Thirst, of course, There was Tea!

For Treats we had Twizzlers, Twix bars, and Tiramisu Thins. Though Texas Hold’em was The only Tournament game, There was Table Tennis, TV, and more Table games for The Team.

The Tidds

Let me Tell you about a Terrific Team – my daughTer, Megan, her husband, Chris, and Their Two Teens, Diego & Reneya. Together, They are The Tidds. Time Together is Treasured.

On sepTember Twenty-eighTh, we celebraTe “Uncle Chris Day.” My broTher, Chris, would have been Turning 63. Chris Thrived on Teases and Treats, so iTs fiTTing To celebrate a Twofer – T-Weeks and Uncle Chris Day, with a Trick or Treat Testimonial.

I Threw Together a Tiny Treasure Tin of Toys and Treats To commemoraTe The occasion.

Travel

The Task That I gave The Carpe Diem Connections Facebook Group was To Tell me Tales about Travel.

Two That Transpired were These:

There was also a Tip To Travel The hell out of Florida! (More hurricanes heading Towards Tampa are Terrifying!)

Truthfully, I’m Too Tired To Try To be wiTTy, so I will simply Thank you. Toodaloo!